the paquettes

Paul Tripp next talked about specific stages of children.

His main point in children age 0-5 was the rod as the principal tool of dicipline.  He said, “Sin reduces all of us to fools.  When I do foolish things, bad things happen.”  He gave the verses Proverbs 13:14, 19:18, 22:15, 23:13-14, and 29:15-17

He gave a model of the right way to spank.

-Only in a clear act of rebellion against authority.

-Must get a hold of my heart first before I spank.

-Go in a private place, not in front of siblings.

-Discuss the offense and tell them how many spankings they will receive.

-Seek an acknowledgement from the child of their sin.

-Administer the spanking(s)

-After the spanking(s), love and hug on the child.  Say, “I wish I never have to do this again.”

-Pray with and for the child.  Give the child an opportunity to pray.

Then he talked with us about children age 6-12.

His main point here was that not all disobedience, especially at this age, is about rebelling against authority.  A lot of disobedience comes from your child’s lack of character.  Scripture attaches character to worship.  Romans 1:25, “They exchanged the truth about God for a lie, and worshiped and served created things rather than the Creator—who is forever praised.”  The heart of your child is always living under the rule of something.  What does your child worship?  Ask them after they disobey, “What is ruling your heart right now?”

He gave an example of the classroom diva, Susie, that told your daughter she must wear a party dress to school the next day or else she is not in the cool club.  Your daughter comes home and tells you that she must wear a party dress to school.  You ask your daughter, “Is Susie ruling your heart right now?  Has Susie become more important to you than God?”  After you talk with her, you can tell quickly if she is idolizing Susie or not.  If she is, then it is not appropriate for your daughter to wear a party dress the next day.

He also talked to us about tools to encourage change in their behavior.  He encouraged parents to bear their struggles to their kids.  Talk about your idols to them.  Never tell them, “I can’t believe you would do that” because you would, and you are shaming them.  He talked about procrastination.  When your son comes up to you at 10 p.m. on Sunday night and tells you he has a science project due on Monday, what do you do?  Before you respond with anger, think about if you have ever procrastinated before.  Maybe not paying your bills till the day they’re due, or not cleaning your house until the night before your mother in law comes over or watching TV when you should be reading the Bible.  Your response to your son should be, “I get it.  I am like you and procrastinate too.  I’m not going to do your project, but there is hope for people like me and you.  We need to humbly confess and ask God for help.”  So you still let him receive the consequences of not getting his science project done, but you do not get angry at him.  Remember, is he breaking God’s law or your law, (you shall do your homework assignments in a timely manner)?

Your children don’t need your opinion about whether or not they are fools for doing what they did, they need the mirror of the Word of God put in front of them to confront them.  The world puts carnival mirrors in front of them.